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claymay83 Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "claymay83" journal:

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June 21st, 2011
08:46 pm


There's something very sad about realizing just how badly you fucked up, and that no matter what you do hence forth or how much time passes, you can never undo the damage that has been done.

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April 26th, 2010
11:22 am


Had Fun in Mass this Weekend
This weekend was very fun and memorable. I went up to Massachusetts to visit Tom. He’s now living in Waltham, which is just outside of Boston. I drove up there on Friday, which was my first road trip. The trip up wasn’t that bad at all. I burned a bunch of Lewis Black CD’s to listen to so I was entertained. Made it there in a little less then 4 and ½ hours. I met his girlfriend Kacee, who’s really sweet and easy to talk to. Well actually, as of last Monday she’s his Fiancée. That’s right, Tom’s getting married. The two of them went to Niagara Falls and he proposed on the bridge that connects the United States and Canada. What makes the story better was that when he did it there were a bunch of construction workers around and they started cheering as it happened. That definably makes the eventual “Did I ever tell you how I proposed to mommy” story even better.

Friday we talked for a while at their place. It reminds me of a smaller version of my Uncle Anthony’s house. I gave each of them a house warming/just felt like giving them a gift. I gave Tom a six slotted picture frame of college pictures of us. And I gave Kacee a bridal gift bag which had something old, new, borrowed and blue in it. My favorite was the blue idem, which was a CD of Lewis Black’s stand up. Since he curses a lot in his act its blue humor, hence something blue. I had also brought up my photo albums from college so we looked through those. Tom was thrilled to see pictures he’s never seen before, since most of them had been taken with a film non digital camera. He ended up scanning a number of them onto his computer so others could see them. Then we went out to dinner at a really great sushi restaurant. They recommended one deep fried roll which may be one of the best things I’ve ever put in my mouth. Then we went back to their place and watched a bunch of season three Buffy episodes. They’ve started watching the show and asked me to bring up season’s three and four for them.

Saturday Tom and I went into Boston. Unfortunately Kacee was working at Build A Bear so she couldn’t come. We took the T in. Interestingly when we got there I found out that Boston doesn’t really have public bathrooms. Luckily we found a McDonalds that had one relatively soon. But I never would have thought that would be an issue. We walked around where we passed the Cheers bar. I tried to take a picture of the outside sign but I wasn’t able to. Too many people walking by. We then met up with Josh and Kristina and went out to lunch at a nice vegany restaurant. I had an amazing turkey club. Both of them are doing well. Kristina likes her new job, except for the fact that she’s on her feet a lot and works strange hours. Oh, at the restaurant Tom did an impression of Katie Johnson that was hilarious.

After lunch we were going to go the Museum of Fine Arts, but it was $20 to get in so we decided to skip it. Instead we took a bus to Jamaica Plain and walked to Kristina and Jose’s place. On the way there we stopped at a thrift store and an outdoor flea market. I loved their place. It’s pleasantly run in and has a creative feeling to it. We ended up watching a bunch of tapes of footage Kristina had taped of us at college. One tape had forty minutes of us playing the game of Life. Probably the best tape was the last one we watched which was a bunch of us hanging out on the hill/outdoor volleyball court by Hoosac. Though I will say I was extremely dramatic and over serious back then. To a frightening degree.

Josh and Kristina were seeing a show at 8 so we left their place a little after 7. We all walked to the train station and they stayed with us for a few stops until they had to get off. Then Tom and I took the train the rest of the way back to Tom’s car. There was one kind of scary moment that happened. As we were changing train lines we had to take an elevator and a real sketchy guy followed us in there. He was leaning hunched over by the elevator doors and looked ready to keel over. He had to be on something, either crack or meth. He looked at us and said “you guys smoke?” We said we didn’t and stayed as far from him as we could. Then when the doors opened he took a while to leave. We really thought he was going to pull a weapon out and try to rob or kill us. Luckily we made it out and lived to tell the tale.

I left Tom’s place Sunday morning. The drive back wasn’t as pleasant as the trip up. First it rained most of the way back. Then there was a ton of traffic on the Throgs Neck Bridge. A car almost ran into me at one point. I made it back by 3PM.

All in all it was a great trip up. And it’s reinforced a decision I’ve come to. And that is that I’m going to move up to the Boston area. A great deal of my friends from college have settled in the area and there’s nothing for me here. I don’t know exactly how or when I’ll accomplish it, but I can’t stay on Long Island anymore. Seeing them once every few years isn’t enough.

My sister isn’t doing great. She just found out the day care center she works at is closing down. So she’s out of a job. The way it’s being done is really sleazy. First they were unexpectedly closing it at the end of this week. Then she found out that they’re closing it instead today. She’s kind of upset. She’s working in the room with the older children and she wanted to see them graduate from the program in May.

Ok, that’s it.

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January 1st, 2010
02:43 am


Happy New Year
I was going to go into Times Square for New Years Eve tonight. But it snowed bad enough this morning to delay the trains into the city. They were delayed until around 2pm. And since I wouldn't have been able to get close enough to see the ball drop if I got there after 3 (as I found out when I went senior year of college), I just stayed home. O well, it's something I still plan to do before I die.

And you want to know the weird thing. This is the second time in a row it's snowed on New Years Eve. Well, New Years Eve Day

Last fall i interned at a publishing company called The Reference Works. I wrote and edited a great deal of material for a few projects, such as a book series on movie scripts. But most of my time was spend working on a scientific textbook called The Manual of Scientific Style. I wrote two chapters in the book and i'm actually credited in it. It was released in bookstores in the spring and i got a copy for Xmas. So technically I’m a published author now, since my name is now out in print. That makes me happy.

I've been performing with a murder mystery theatre company for the last year and a half, which is called Cloverleaf Productions. I've done three shows so far. I played a musician who fakes his death and returns as a waiter in the first one, a lawyer who's having an affaire with my client's ex wife in the second one, and a reporter who falls in love with a millionaire’s grand daughter in the third one. In the spring production I play an obsessive fan of a singer who's trying to frame her for murder. Rehearsal for that one starts in the middle of February.

I'm no longer working at Chilis. They let me go because they weren't getting enough business. But I’m still working at Kohls. I loath the job, but at the same time I’m at least grateful I have a job.

There was this girl I met who was in the second murder mystery with me. I liked her a lot and we started hanging out. Things were going really good for a few months. Then all of a sudden she stopped wanting to hang out and she no longer would talk to me during rehearsals or performances. It's gotten to the point where now she doesn’t even respond to I/Ms or e-mails. And the worst of it is I have no idea what happened. I asked her about it and all she said was she was to busy to talk or hang out anymore. But this is way to hostel then simply being busy. I'll probably never find out what happened. And the worst thing is we're both cast in the next murder mystery.

I’ve started writing an entertainment blog. It’s called “An Entertainment Viewer's Thoughts” and the web address is http://uselessiamnot.blogspot.com/. While I haven’t updated it as much as I should I have written some good articles. One I’m particularly proud of was the one I wrote on Sept 25, 2009 which talked about how our perception of a movie or TV show we saw as a kid changes when we rewatch it as adults.

I've been running on the treadmill and lifting weights for a couple of months now. I've already lost eight pounds. I just have to keep it up.

Can not wait until Lost starts up again. Though it'll be sad when it ends and I don't have it to look forward to anymore. There are not that many good shows on besides that. Well, Big Bang Theory is good.

I’ve been reading a lot more then I used to. Mostly I’ve been reading when I have a break at work and between acts when I have a show. I recently read a book on our society’s obsession with celebrity culture and right now I’m reading a vampire novel. And for the record it’s not Twilight. I tried reading it to see what all the fuss is and I couldn’t finish it. It was the first time I actually felt I was too old to be reading something. Maybe if it had been out when I was in high school I might have liked it. But I’m a little bit old to identify with a whinny teenager who moans about everything.

In the past year I’ve been on a huge Kate Winslet kick. Besides rewatching Titanic and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind I’ve seen The Reader, The Holiday, Revolutionary Road, Heavenly Creatures, Little Children, and All The Kings Men. It's weird how sometimes you can know a particular actor or actress and then suddenly truly begin to appreciate them artistically.

ok, bye now.

Current Mood: talkative
Current Music: *Don't Stop Believing* by the cast of Glee

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March 24th, 2008
12:04 am


You know what's sad. When you are thinking about calling someone and then realize that if you did call them, you wouldn't have anything to say because the two of you don't have anything in common anymore.

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March 6th, 2008
01:16 am


Guess it's time for a posting

It's weird. There was a time at school when most of my friends had either a live journal or some other type of on-line journal. And now almost no one uses them anymore (that or possible they do but they don't reveal them to others). Part of it might have been because it was kind of a trend then (deny it if you must, but you can't deny that a lot of my circle of friends at school got on-line journals during freshman year when others were getting them, yours truly included). Also it's with growing up. Most adults don't keep journals, even if their younger self did.

One thing that always surprises me in a bad way is when someone deletes their on-line journal. I bring this up because someone recently deleted their journal that they started in college. And I don't understand why someone would do that. It's one thing to stop posting in a journal, but to erase it altogether is something else entirely. It's like erasing a part of yourself. Maybe it's just me, but it's a link to your past. It's something you can go back to years later and see exactly how you've changed over time. I could never imagine getting rid of my college deadjournal (I’ve taken numerous steps to ensure that it's properly preserved). Yes, there are some entries that make me cringe and feel ashamed when i reread them. But it's who I was. To me it's important to keep yourself connected to your past. That way you can ensure that you either change for the better or keep yourself being the person you want to be. I may not write in my college journal anymore, but I would never get rid of it.

Course, I don't really write in my post college journal to much either.

Still looking for work. Still working at Chilis and Kohls in the mean time to pay the bills. Don't mind chilis, absolutely hate kohls.

Trying to save up for a car. It's hard to do when you mostly just make enough money to pay living expenses.

I auditioned for a play tonight. It was the first audition I’ve been on in almost two years, ever since my disastrous audition for little show of horrors. The play was the Laramie Project, oddly enough. I read a couple of the play's monologs and then read them again with different interpretations. I think the audition went good. I find out if I’m cast next week.

Hopefully I can go up to Massachusetts and visit people soon. I miss everyone terribly.

Can't wait till The Dark Knight comes out this summer. It looks really awesome. RIP Heath Ledger. It's a damn shame you died so young.

Ok, I should get to bed. I'm going to be a wreck tomorrow. I must be getting older. I used to stay up all night and function almost normally the next day.

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December 17th, 2007
05:05 pm




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October 2nd, 2007
11:40 pm


2 places I love are going out of business. The Patchogue movie theater and Mr. Video video store.

First the movie theater. I found out last week that it has closed down. It makes me sad. First the most obvious reason, that I used to work there. For better or worse that was the longest place I worked at. It wasn't too bad of a job. There were a lot of bad points (extremely underpaid, a horrid boss, hell on earth whenever it rained), but there were a lot of good things about the job. Free movies, free merchandise, and I worked with a lot of very interesting people.

Besides from working there, that was the movie theater I went to most times growing up when I wanted to see a movie. When I grew older and was able to go by myself I learned how easy it was to movie hop there. Overall I’m going to miss it.

Today I found out the video store near my house is going out of business. This is upsetting. It's basically the only small time mom and pop video store around. Try going to blockbuster and renting a DVD for a dollar. Plus it had a friendly atmosphere there. They're closing up at the end of the month and until then they're selling everything they have. One guy was buying as many movies as he could. He was on the phone with someone calling out titles and whenever he mentioned something he didn't have he grabbed it. I bought a few out of print tapes you can only find on eBay. I'll probably go back and see if there's anything else I might want.

So that's my lament.

I have a job for the time being. I'm a host at Chilies restaurant. Tomorrow is my last day of training and Thursday is my first official work day. It seems like it'll be an ok job. My main problem will be getting enough hours.

That’s it.

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September 9th, 2007
10:57 pm


Here's something that's kind of unbelievable. Gill, the fish I got at the welcome fair Junior year of college, is now three years old. I should get a huge fish tank for him so he can live out his elder years in style.

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August 2nd, 2007
12:20 am


Yes, I still occasionally update this thing
It's been a long while since I updated this thing. But I finally have a reason to update.

I visited Tom last weekend. He's living in Western Mass, about an hour from Boston. At the moment he's teaching troubled kids ways to get jobs, such as interview skills and how to write a resume.

I got there Friday around 3pm. Tom picked me up from the train station and we went to his new apartment. It's really cool. It's on the third floor of the building and the building's # is 76, so automatically that is a good sign. It wasn't really furnished but he's only been there for a couple weeks so he has time. The only bad thing was it was extremely hot in there, so we didn't spend much time there. We drove around and went to the mall where we found this amazing toy store. It was filled with all of these vintage and modern action figures and trading cards and comics and just a lot of great stuff. Barry and Eric would have lost their minds there. Then Dez came up and the three of us saw a midnight showing of Hairspray. I loved it. The music was phenomenal and it looked like the actors really had fun with their roles.

Saturday Tom and I saw The Simpsons movie. It was hilarious and definably worth the years long wait. Then we went back to the toy store and then back to Tom's place where he finally watched the end of the third season of lost. Oh, when we were at the mall I got the last two seasons of Buffy for less then I would have paid if I had bought one season here. That was a really good deal.

But the best day of my trip was Sunday. And it was great because Josh and Kristina came up to visit. I can not put into words how happy I was to see them. They're doing really good. Kristina is still at the job she took the beginning of last summer and she's living with Katie, Derrick and Noah in Gloucester. And Josh is also living on his own, with a roommate he's wary of, and he's doing non profit work for a company. The four of us went to the mall and hung out there for a while. Then we went to Chili's for dinner. Since they had to work the next day they left after dinner. But I was happy as could be to see them. And I think that they were happy to see me. It gives me hope.

Monday Tom brought me to the train station at 5:30am. It was pouring when we left. And I fell in a huge puddle right outside his apartment. Twisted my ankle and was soaked from my toes to my stomach. At south station I was drying my socks and pillow with a bathroom hand dryer. So going home sucked, but the visit itself was great.

And that was my weekend.

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April 24th, 2007
10:25 pm


Last Monday, April 16th was a truly horrific day. A Student at Virginia Tech went on a mass killing spree. He killed 32 people before committing suicide. My heart goes out to those 32 individuals who lost their lives in an act of senseless violence.

Since that day there has been lots of news coverage on what happened, in print, television, radio and the internet. And there is one thing that I keep seeing that burns me up every time I see it. The killer himself. Everywhere I turn there's sound bites and images from the videos he sent to NBC. Hell, someone even posted the disturbing plays he wrote on-line. Don't people see that this exactly what he would have wanted to happen. He wanted to be remembered, to be known. Well, his wish is now being brought to life. And it's wrong. Now any psycho who's even contemplating doing something like this might feel that if they do they too will be remembered by all. No, what we need to do is forget about him. Focus on the victims; focus on ones whose lives were affected by this. Don’t focus on the killer.

So what if he was a tortured soul who wanted to be heard. You know what, I’m a tortured soul. And I’ve never felt the need to kill people to get my point across. I personally don't care about who the shooter was. I care about the victims. I want to hear there stories. I don't want to hear about the feelings of that deranged killer. He's rights and feelings were forfeit the second he pulled that trigger.

While I’m on this rant, I will address one positive thing. Unlike school shootings in the past, this time the entertainment industry is being blamed much less for what happened then it has in the past. It always gets me when people say "If these violent movies weren't around then it never would have happened." That's just people not wanting to take true responsibility for what happened. Movies and music don't create murderers. Society and human nature does that.

Ok, I’m done here.

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